What Happens Now?

I have no idea.

I never really had a plan to be perfectly honest.  My husband and I had a discussion about what my expectations would be before I even started and I promised myself not to let my hopes get too high.  I am extremely sensitive so it’s VERY easy for me to get buried in fears and pressures that I almost always place on myself.  Another reason I wanted to ease into this slowly, carefully and with certain boundaries (for myself) was because above all, my family comes first.  Being present and not missing out on precious moments with them is THE most important thing to me.   This was not about proving I can be a contributor to the finances.  It wasn’t to prove anything to anyone.  I did this simply because I love it.  I continue to do it because each step (although incredibly stressful) makes me feel happy and good and proud of myself and, in turn, I feel I am a better wife and mother.  I have failed many times and I probably will some more.

Shouldn’t we all have something that gives us that personal fulfillment?  That one thing that, at the end of the day, after all the snot and rogue poo and arguments with our spouses and dog hair in places you didn’t think it could get… we have that thing that revives our soul and replenishes our spirit (with a heaping glass of wine on the side).

When I completed my first draft and forced my friends to read it… I thought that would be the end of it.  But when they kept encouraging me to push further… the seed was planted.  Each step in this process has been pretty much the same.  One small seed planted in my brain that I couldn’t ignore.  I had to water it!

… on zero budget.

To date (aside from my laptop) the ONLY thing I spent money on, is purchasing my own book.  I needed a hard copy to send for the competition I’m entering it in and now… I apparently will be bringing some to my book signing!  I don’t know how I ended up with one of those (now 2) but here we are and I’m still making an extremely awkward face while sweating a lot… I really hope that normals out by March 24th.

How did I know what to do?

Beats the shit out of me…  Normally a publicist would be handling this.  WOULD have handled this a month or so before my book was released.  However, I was initially satisfied if I sold 20-30 copies and NEVER expected anyone to want them signed… it never occurred to me to have something like this planned.  And because of all the excitement, I have not slept well… which leaves me LOADS of time to think.

Fun.

So I thought in the wee hours of Monday morning which is notoriously a hell hole of a day for all humans, maybe I can get my girlfriends to just meet up at this local dessert place.  It’s a really cute venue where it’s set up like a cafe… but with amazing desserts that I try to avoid due to my lack of self control.  I wasn’t sure how many of these friends would commit or if they would even eat there, so I wanted to just give the place a heads up… “Hey… so my friends want me to sign the book I wrote and I don’t want to drive all over the city soooo is it cool if I just sit in the corner with my kid and eat cake?” … if you think that sounds awkward you should hear how I actually sounded.  Next thing I know, it’s an event they offered to PROMOTE…

Say whaaaatt!?

And just like that – I feel a LITTLE cooler than I did the day before… and I felt pretty cool then.  I still don’t understand how I got to this point.  I mean I know how… but I don’t know how I got people to give a shit.  THAT’S the odd part for me.  I was never the person who stood out in the crowd and if I was noticed, it was probably because I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe… or as of late… shit on my kids shirt in the dentist’s office.  I am just beyond humbled by this whole experience and so honored to have all of this beautiful support.  The well wishes are just overwhelming to say the least.  You all have made me feel like a huge success even though I most likely will never become as big as “that Harry Potter chick”.

Google has been the best assistant ever!  I have just taken everything one step at a time and if that step I take turns out to be a good one, I’ll take another… which is kind of how we all should do.  Nobody just steps out and runs a marathon… you have to build up.  Learn how your mind/body responds to different challenges and adjust to those, improve and push to another challenge.  I never expected, too, to be inspiring anyone.  I don’t know how that works when you’re an average person, but if whatever I’m doing makes someone want to push for something within themselves… what a freakin bonus, right?!  I’m not a person that does excuses.  I’m also not a person that thinks or expects to be helped or have something done for me.  Almost to a fault.  It’s REALLY hard for me to bring myself to EVER ask for help.  That does give me a greater sense of accomplishment, but I am well aware that without the readers I wouldn’t have a book signing.  I wouldn’t have sales.  I wouldn’t have this beautiful support system that I still feel so very unworthy for – but I have it.

So I guess the moral of the story is… set out thinking it’s just you… and if you are confident and motivated enough to continue on… everything else just feel that much more fantastic!  You are that much more grateful and that much more successful.

What comes next?

Another novel…duh!