This is what “giving myself a break” looks like. I woke at 6 am to my husband whispering “Bye” as he left early for work and the crescendo of cries from Cori’s room for someone to come get her. She still has yet to understand that we don’t have to collect her from her bed every morning, but she must think we like walking half-asleep across the house to retrieve her before she wakes her sister… which she almost ALWAYS does.
So, today I decided that house work could wait until tomorrow – I’ll definitely regret this decision tomorrow – and I would just whip up a small lunch – also a regret – and invited me and my trolls over to my neighbors so she could feed them since they’ve decided to go on a food strike in my house. Maybe a change of scenery would liven their appetites? And I say they, but it’s Diem. Diem won’t eat. Not unless it’s yogurt or a waffle that is… and I’m running low on both. But today we’re on a mommy break so the Target trip will wait until tomorrow… like everything else.
And although I’m not certain my neighbor was aware she was going to be feeding my children, she did and I love her for it because those little shits ate every last chicken nugget and shells and cheese on their plates… go fucking figure.
I’ll stop cussing tomorrow too.
I told myself with all of this “break” I allowed, I would do my workout while the girls napped… you know, because break… but what ended up happening, was a house wide nap. I don’t know at what point during the muted Doc McStuffins viewing and book editing that I passed out… but I did… and then I binge ate 3 fiber bars and a bag of goldfish… and a bag of fruit snacks for good measure (and that’s exactly where the regret from the small lunch was born).
BUT! My husband just text that he ate worse than I did, so somehow that makes me feel better… because I beat him. And we are really competitive in the most childish way… but I still won. So there.
I can’t let myself off the hook that easy though, so I just chugged some preworkout so I can try to squeeze in a little run this evening before our random summer shower decides to show up. I have another 5K to do in a week and I have NOT been training as much as I’d like when it comes to running everyday because of these stupid showers. On top of the upcoming race, we decided to take our very first family vacation!
I’m already stressing over it… but things should be fine. We purposely chose something low key and drama free that will allow us to just decompress together with the kids. SO be on the lookout for my next blog covering our romping good time in good ol’ Crockett, TX! However, until then I’ll be making my obsessive compulsive lists of things I will need to pack, including some prayer beads because a girl can never be too careful.
In other news, I have been making some good progress with my book. For a while now I’ve been mulling over what the hell I needed to change. I knew something was off from the start, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. So I decided to just send it off to some agents and see what kind of feedback I got in hopes that would enlighten me… and it did… but SLOWLY. At first I was even more lost than before! They seemed to think I had potential, but didn’t want to work with me yet… so with me being the little sensitive beetle that I am, I had to get over the “rejection” of it, then focus on what the message truly was. But, of course, they weren’t going to spell it out for me… which I appreciate now. I don’t want the answers, I want to be pushed to figure it out. I don’t push myself enough – which I know might seem crazy knowing all that I do… but I didn’t wake up and juggle all of this mess out of the blue. I started with one project, and once I felt good and efficient with it, I’d start on something else… and on and on until I looked good and insane! Did it work?!
Anywho… I am feeling even better about my restructuring of my book. I finally figured out what it is I wanted to change up that didn’t take away the message or how I wanted the story to unfold. I actually feel like it’s being enhanced and matured this way which is EXCITING for me! I just truly love this process… as stressful and crazy as it has been and will continue to be… it’s my passion. And I love that I have a passion. I REALLY love having a passion.
On top of that – I can’t even begin to express the gratitude I feel for those who have been so supportive. And not even that, but the people who have randomly reached out to me in the last 24 hours just offering words of encouragement (that made me cry – shocker) or to say I inspire them. Like what?!
ME?! This is still so comical to me… like I feel like such a joke sometimes and for people that I actually admire myself to tell me that I inspire them in any way is probably one of the most amazing compliments I’ll ever get. And yes, my children are amazing… but they have to love me. But for strangers, peers or friends who have no obligation to say such kind things… it’s just such a relatively new thing for me. And all it does is show me that someone up there is telling me that I’m doing exactly what I should be. That I should feel confident in my choices because no matter if I ever get published (which I will always shoot for), or whether or not my blog viewership grows, or I gain anymore social media followers – I meant something to people I admire and care about. And that carries so much weight for me. SO much!
So thank you to all of you who have opened your hearts to me, given your time, kind words and encouragement… to me, that’s the difference between forging through the storm and backing away when things seem a bit too rough. You’ve made this all worth it.
My kids are pretty cool too – but since they just threw lego blocks at my face, they’re kind of on my shit list.
They’ll be back off tomorrow 🙂
And since it’s my newest breakfast obsession – I’ll share my delicious smoothie recipe!
Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie
1 frozen banana
1/2 cup almond milk
5 ice cubes
1 tbsp goji powder
2 tbsp PB2 (I use the one with chocolate in it… bomb)
1 tbsp water
1 tbsp cacao nibs (for topping)