Failure is a 4 Letter Word

Screen Shot 2017-06-10 at 9.33.56 AM.pngI have had my friends tell me how I make life with 2 toddlers look easy.  Which is such a huge compliment – I immediately want to make out with these lovely humans however… I don’t want to seem unrealistic. Life IS difficult with small children. They get sick, they whine, they refuse to eat something they loved the day before… this coupled with trying to clean house, cook, write/read, run errands and nurture a marriage IS hard!  Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying out of their ass.

I often will see other moms broadcast all of the things they were able to get done.  Maybe this is to impress other people…actually, who are we kidding – that’s what it is… because why else would we feel the need to share it on social media? Let me just say… it’s bullshit.   All of it!  We fail!  We are human and it’s impossible to make everyday our bitch so when we do feel that we did, we need the world to know. I’m guilty of it!  I try to be honest as much as possible about my life because I never want my fellow mommy friends to think I somehow figured something out that they didn’t.

But what are we all afraid of?  That F word.

Failure. And even more than that, people knowing we failed.

So, sure my life may look easy sometimes, however that’s because I choose to do that (for myself).  Not for everyone else to feel like an asshole, but because if I didn’t make the best of everyday, I’d miss out. I’m not going to say it IS easy, and I’m not going to say that everyday is perfectly balanced and I get so much done… because I don’t.  Some days my kids eat peanut butter and jelly for 2 meals, the laundry piles up, the wine runs out, etc… but you know what?  Tomorrow is another day.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate structure and I need to plan.  My husband would call this “control freak” type behavior, but I defend myself with the idea that – I have kids!  They NEED structure, and I am a stay-at-home-mother so I NEED some type of plan for the day or else there is an extreme possibility I will go insane…and my children need me.  I turn on the Bubble Guppies, pour the milk and find the toys.

But I’m here to say, I fail. Probably everyday in some large or small way, a failure exists in our home.

And I’m OK with it!

Am I glorifying it?  Absolutely not.  It’s not cool to me to fail.  I don’t look forward to it, but I can accept that it will happen and adjust.

We allow others to show only the posies but never the ashes of our days.   Only the triumphs.  What we DID achieve and not what we didn’t, or couldn’t because there’s always another mother showing us they could. We allow social media to tell us what we should be.  We let our “friends” show us what wonderful lives they lead while we are sitting at work or at home, fresh off of an argument with our spouse, burnt dinner and a kid that keeps asking the same question over and OVER again… well ya know what?  THAT’S real life.  The people who are listing out all of their personal and professional achievements for you to read online are doing just that, only listing the successes.  They’re not going to tell you what they failed at… because what mother wants to come off a failure?

It’s OK to fail.  It’s ok that you didn’t get everything done.

Here’s some truth for ya:

Let’s see… we will start with personal failures.  I still have yet to find an agent interested in my book. I have had PLENTY of feedback however not much of it is truly helpful.  I either don’t really agree with it (it will take away from the message I’m trying to deliver) or I don’t know exactly what to do with it.  So my book sits here, unloved.  Leaving me feeling inadequate and untalented.  I have not gotten ANY writing done for my second book since I tried to refocus on my first to get it off the ground.  As well as my blog, which is also not getting the views that I was hoping I would have by now.  It’s embarrassing…and I’m telling you about it why?  Why would someone admit to such a thing?  Because it’s true!  What’s going to happen with this information?  Will my kids hate me?  Will my husband stop loving me?  Will my friends stop talking to me? No.  And frankly, I don’t give not a one shit if someone reads this and smirks behind their computer or smart phone basking in my defeat.

I’m working towards a 10K in October and making a solid effort to eat right and run/exercise everyday but I stress eat.  Chocolate. Carbs.  All that shit.  So my body fluctuates and does things I can’t stand ALL the time.  It’s frustrating and I have only myself to blame… but I put my big girl panties on and try to make better choices where I can.

I have 2 kids with HFM going on a week now.  Let me tell you, not fun.  They don’t have it BAD, but we have been stuck inside for a week.  A WEEK.  Now I respect ALL walks of motherhood, but being home, with 2 kids with a highly contagious virus is pretty damn rough.  My oldest STILL won’t poo the potty consistently.  I have thrown away more Mickey mouse panties than I care to admit.  But you know what I am NOT doing?  Overly stressing about it… yes I am stressed over it… but I found ways to make the best of it because my family needs that more than they need me to freak out over something I can’t control. In (hopefully) a few more days it’ll be over with and I can disinfect the whole house yay! And life will go on.  The poop will eventually make it in the potty.

And you know why I know I’m not the worst mother on the planet?  Because every night, when I tuck in my oldest, we read a book and I ask her about her day.  I know what our day was like.  I was there.  For every moment – that’s my job.  But I want to see it from her 3 1/2 yr old perspective.  You know what? She NEVER, not ONCE has said she had a bad day.  Not when she broke her leg, not when she fell in the pool, not when she got a spanking or not when she was told she couldn’t play with her friends because she’s sick.  Sure, she will mention those things and we talk about them, but never does it make her feel like she had a bad day.  Not to mention the times she didn’t get a real dinner or all the laundry wasn’t folded.

So if you take anything away from this post, let it be this… embrace your failures!  Acknowledge them, adjust, then move on.  Because there will undoubtedly be another…  don’t allow the successes of others overwhelm your thoughts…chances are they’re not even that successful to begin with.

As always, thank you for reading and here you are with another recipe!

Santa Fe SaladScreen Shot 2017-06-10 at 9.14.32 AM.png

4 thin sliced chicken breasts

1tsp paprika

1/2 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp garlic powder

Juice of 1 lime

3-4 tbsp olive oil

1 cup black beans, rinsed

1 cup whole kernel, no salt added corn

1 red bell pepper, cut to preferred size

1/3 cup reduced fat feta cheese

2-3 cups romain lettuce, chopped

1/2 red onion, diced

Avocado Dressing

1ripe avocado

1/4 cup red wine vinegar

1/4 cup honey

3 tbsp lime juice

1 clove garlic

1/4 cup water

salt/pepper to taste

(you can spice up with 1 jalapeño)

Instructions

  1. Whisk together paprika, cumin, salt pepper, garlic powder, lime juice, olive oil and place chicken in (the longer the better).
  2. Toss the beans, corn, onion and bell pepper into lettuce and set aside.
  3. Blend together in a food processor all ingredients of dressing and pour into a container you can use in the fridge to save for multiple uses.
  4. Heat 1tbsp olive oil in large skillet, place chicken and marinade in and cook thoroughly.  I like to allow for a little char on both sides.  Place chicken over salad, top with feta cheese and drizzle with about 1 tbsp of dressing!