Can We Just Get a Do Over?

IMG_6442.JPGJust when I thought I was seeing some rays of hope at the end of the tunnel, Cori decides to get strep.  How?  No idea.  She was exposed to the Flu… but not strep… yet here we are tending to a fever for three days, giving her antibiotics and obsessively cleaning/disinfecting/lysoling and repeat in a desperate attempt for this not to spread to the sister.

All in vain.

I spent all of yesterday taking my kids outside to play and enjoy the gorgeous weather we were having.  We played at the park where Cori rolled down the hill about 640785 times, giggling hysterically each time.  Diem silently ate her goldfish while studying her sister.  She loves to watch Cori.  She takes mental notes of exactly what I don’t want them to do, so she can figure how to do them, cuter, so she doesn’t get in trouble.  I get it young one, but I still won’t let you eat a dead bug.

We came home, had lunch with Dad, went for our run, played in the yard and picked flowers, drove around our Frozen Jeep… it was a great day!  Then I decided to prepare a meal that I was going to use for the blog today.  I seasoned my chicken, melted butter (I ran out of Olive Oil… which really got under my skin… I don’t like cooking with butter…) preheated the oven to roast some veggies and toasted some country bread with mozzarella on my griddle.  I know how much Cori loves cheesy bread, and Diem is partial to roasted carrots so it was going to be a total win!  Until I placed Diem’s on her tray.

All Hell had broken loose.

My child exploded.  Everything she’d eaten since the womb came up and poured out exorcist style all over her tray.  She hadn’t even run a fever… this came out of nowhere.  So as my ravenous appetite quickly dissolved, I cleaned her up and rushed her to the urgent care (because kids never get sick when the pediatrician’s office is open) and because I’m a GOOD mom… I didn’t bring extra clothes which Nurse Ratchet (which I so lovingly named her) pointed out after the second round of puke, but, you know, I had my eye on the prize.  I figured SHE had the flu, and apparently Ratchet didn’t appreciate me bringing my sick kid to the doctor because she kept a good three feet away from us.  I hated to disappoint her because Diem ended up NOT having the flu.  Just strep.

Luckily Cori is still on her medication, so they won’t be passing it back and forth.  I’m waiting for Chris or myself to begin feeling the fire in our throats… so far so good.

So I find myself, yet again, cleaning/disinfecting/lysoling… as if that was so helpful before and praying that what 2017 has had to offer so far is not an indication of what the rest of the year will be like.

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Good news is, Cori is trying to walk… with our help… and on her tippy toe of her sore foot… but it’s progress.  More progress than the potty training is going, but I really (at this point) don’t have enough f**ks to give about it.  I can only handle one catastrophe at a time.

Needless to say, my second book has been on hold for quite some time.  The tiny bit I was able to force out a few weeks ago, was all I could do.  I’m disappointed, but I guess that’s what comes with being a stay at home mom. I don’t get to go to an office to close myself in.  And honestly, even if I could do that, I have zero creativity right now.  I can’t focus on whether or not my protagonist will find out her daughter’s secret now, or in a few chapters.  Or how she will find out.  Or if the daughter has a more prominent roll or if I will be leaving it from the adults perspective.  There is SO much to work out and I have no desire  – strike that – I have desire but I don’t have the mental ability to push it through.

My old job was a lot more black and white.  I knew what I had to do, I made a list, it never got completed but I was able to work my way down and feel like I did SOMETHING.  But now, I am worried about my two, tiny sick babies, and the potty, and my 3-yr-old starting school in a few months, and getting my first book published and cleaning my baseboards and folding the laundry I haven’t touched.  I guess I am putting too much pressure on myself to work on my new book… I don’t even have someone interested in my first one yet, but that’s how I am.  When I decide I’m going to do something, I want to be ALL IN and feel like I have something to prove in all this.  i have no deadline so I should just give myself a break and not push my first book out of my mind too much… because if by chance I do find an agent, I’ll need to have that in the forefront of my mind.  Not Kate and the opening of her bakery.  But I sometimes wish this ‘work’ was as black and white as other’s.  Then again, I love that it’s not.  I love reading and writing for the mystery of it.  The unknown lurking on the next page.  So, one day, my kids won’t be broken or sick.  We won’t have trips to plan for or parties to go to and we will just have good ol’ boring life where my husband and I can relax with our preferred alcoholic beverages together to watch our shows then retreat to get some words down on m fancy new laptop he got me.  We are both looking so forward to our lives being boring again, it’s pitiful.

So – no recipe for today.  However, I did get some ground bison meat that I’ll be making burgers with so stay tuned for the next blog which will feature that!  Or if they suck… I’ll make my chicken and veggies and share that shit.