Popping the Bubble

IMG_6191.JPGThe child is 3!  Three years old and after a weekend full of play and Skye bone cake (per toddler’s request) and watching the Super Bowl in the nursing home (as my husband liked to call it)… not really a nursing home, but when you’re watching it with a room full of people over the age of 55, it might as well be.  Between having to repeat everything three times, louder each time, and listening to each of them realize something “for the first time” even though it had just been openIy discussed, at length, 2 minutes before on top of each of them drinking a solid bottle of wine a piece… let’s just say, I feel like my sanity is well intact when compared to them!  (Sorry mom and dad… well… not really… I SAID NOT REALLY!!!)

I guess I should mention that the reign of the cast is over.  The leg has been freed.  No more watching her pitifully drag her leg around.  No more nervously watching her swing it around while playing with her sister, praying it doesn’t clock her in the head.  No more sponge baths at the kitchen sink… my personal hell.

I want to be excited about this.  I mean, who wouldn’t be elated that their toddler, who has been in a full leg cast for 6 weeks with pressure sores, is finally cast free?  After the many sleepless nights and frustrations from trying to grocery shop or play outside without 4608346 extra steps to accommodate two children who can’t walk, I thought I would feel more relief, for her and myself.  But as the cast was being cut off and her tiny body clung to mine in fear, I watched as the doctor pulled the beat up, hot pink shell away to reveal what I had hoped wouldn’t be… her heel was not at all what I was expecting.  It definitely wasn’t what Cori was expecting.  It is healing, I was assured, but this is still going to be a long process.  6 more weeks… or more… of tending to a wound that shouldn’t be.

But the leftover birthday cake, cartoons, iPad and promise of new play doh seemed to have calmed the waters of disappointment in her eyes and in my heart.  I convinced her to allow me a trip to Target with the aforementioned play doh as my bribe, and I forgot NOTHING from the list, for once

… score 1 for Mom!

IMG_6327-5.JPG

(Yes, that’s play doh on Diem’s lip) I felt a bit of normal peak back into our lives as I watched her cover her new leg in stickers while she sang along to the radio.  She knows how to find the joy much quicker than I do apparently.  Maybe I’ve become disillusioned over the years and find it harder to dig out of a rut a lot faster than a child who has the attention span of a hamster.  But, all good things do come to an end… the stiffness we were warned about started to set in and the second bath time rolled around, all hell broke loose.  We got through it, however… kicking and screaming.  Which just makes me feel like we’re starting this process all over again… maddening.

 

My goal now is to work to get us back to ‘normal’.  I say this now after having to let her eat lunch on the couch because every time I removed the blanket from her lap she lost her shit at the sight of her foot.  But, you know, baby steps.  I have allowed my stress to get the better of me lately, but I will say, my husband and I had a little mini date night full of pizza so that definitely helped.  Carbs always help.  That’s probably why I’ve had more carbs in the last couple of weeks than I have in the last several months.  But hey… we all have our vices.  I allowed myself to over indulge, but today we start anew!

Aside from promising myself to get back to my healthier lifestyle we have decided to look into mother’s day out programs for Cori (and finally tackle the potty… *insert eye roll and day drinking*).  I know it’ll be good for her, I know it’s amazing for socializing and learning patience and how to be in a ‘class setting’ but there’s nothing that anyone can say that will make me be OK not being with them all day.  This is probably for me more than for her.  Actually… it IS more for me than for her.  I’ve never been one of those moms who can’t wait to get away from my kids.  My ‘me’ time consists of an hour in the gym and when I get to shower…. I actually miss my children when they go to bed at night… I know this borders some type of mental health issue, but they’re mine to hoard and Imma do it.  I imagine that the first day I bring her… I’ll be sobbing.  Luckily I’ll have Diem here to wipe my tears with her bunny and I’ll enjoy the precious alone time with her, but I fear so much more now after Cori broke her leg.  I fear all the moments where she could be scared or hurt or be teased and I won’t be there to scoop her up and make her laugh or distract her with a game or a song… it truly breaks me to pop that bubble of protection that I’ve worked so hard to maintain.  I want to kick and scream and pound my fists with refusal, but it will just be an injustice to her, on many levels.  So as much as I want to keep her here, with me, I will make the call.  I will keep my composure and ask all the right questions.  I will gasp and ooh and ahh over whatever crafts she makes and listen to her sweet voice as she lists all the things she did (or thinks she did) while there.  I won’t allow my own fears of rejection and being left out or teased bleed into her experiences.  I have to let her learn and grow while learning my new role as we go. I will hold my tears because I know this is where being a mom is tough, but necessary.  And part-time.

Again… baby steps.

So while I try to be an adult and stop crying because of the idea of my kid going to school twice a week… here is my personal favorite recipe!

Shrimp and Crab Burgers

IMG_6408.JPG1/2 lb 16/20 shrimp cut up into chunks

1 cup lump crab meat

1/2 lemon, juiced

1/2 tsp cayenne

1/2 tsp chili powder

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp Louisiana hot sauce

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

2 green onions, finely chopped

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1 jalapeno, diced

1/4-1/3 cup panic crumbs

1 egg

2 cloves minced garlic

1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

  1. Mix all ingredients together and separate out 4 patties.  I use a large sized nonstick skillet (little oil in the pan) and cook 4-6 minutes each side.

*The farther in advance you can prepare them, the better.  It allows the flavors to really sink in!*