Reflections of an Old Broad

IMG_4759.JPGWell, we made it another year!  I managed to keep both children alive (barely) for another 365 days, I have not yet murdered my husband and I have semi-successfully put away all of the Christmas decor.  Which is usually a sad day for me, but this time was a bit of a relief.  As I packed away each memory of giggles and glitter, I also packed away what represented two weeks of pain, frustration, stress and sleepless nights.  I woke up today with a painful bruise on my leg from running into my bathtub, again, which served as a lovely reminder of what a dick 2016 was.  Like an ex that just won’t let go and I desperately want it to.  I’m trying to move on, so let me!

I breathed in the fresh air of the new year, thanked our lucky stars that Cori had another well-rested night and that all of the chocolate chip cookies are gone… because I ate them, but that’s besides the point.  As I sit here, absently listening to Mickey Mouse simultaneously playing on the iPad and TV and waiting for it to be an acceptable time to open the wine and staring at the empty shelves in my living room, I make a silent promise to myself.

No matter what, I will not let go of my dream.  I know I have been tested mentally and emotionally these last few months and I struggle with whether this all happened to make sure I was pursuing this for the right reasons, or that it’s a sign that I need to put to bed my silly goal and get back to being a wife, mother, maid, etc.  I refuse to settle on the latter.  I’m about to be 30 for godsakes!  I deserve to personally succeed at something other than getting my kids to bed every night without a fight and making sure the bed is made every day.

I considered having a nice, long bubble bath with some spirits, Stevie Nicks, and a good book later to recharge my soul but since my bathtub attacked me last night… we’re not on the best of terms.  I had to pass it several times today and we snubbed one another each time.  Our bathroom is probably my favorite room in the house, so to be so violently harassed by such a sanctuary in the last moments of the ‘old’ year just seems unfair and rude!  I also have nothing to make a bubble bath so that also put a damper on my plans.

Note to self:  Buy bubble bath shit.

Not to be the Debbie downer of this whole “New year, new me” annual resolution for the basic… I can say, the husband got a new truck which I am actually happy about.  The man has never actually driven a new vehicle of his own, he bought me a new one instead… so it’s definitely time he get something special for himself.  I can also say that Cori seems to be on the mend from her little setback and aside from the raging zits on my face from stress and my monster bruise on my leg, I got to have a great workout and was able to go run some errands child-less so that’s a decent way to start the year.  Decent as it can be when you’re a stay-at-home mom who typically has to plan and schedule every week, down to the minute, to get everything done!  It’s refreshing to have a morning where I wasn’t responsible for shoving scrambled eggs down my kids throat and watching Bubble Guppies on repeat. (Which I actually secretly enjoy, but having the option NOT to… kind of all the relief I need).

Goals for the next month include:

  1. Make sure Cori’s cast stays dry.
  2. Buy dollhouse for her birthday present.
  3. Pray we can still have her birthday party (at least within the same month)
  4. Get more writing done on the second book
  5. Find an agent who loves me, that I love, so we can just have a big love fest that includes a contract, champagne and the promise of an amazing personal/professional relationship that earns us both some dollars.
  6. Start new grocery budget plan, stick to it and make it my bitch.
  7. Get Diem to walk.
  8. Getting my grievances settled with the hospital
  9. Solve world hunger
  10. Turn 30.

30.  The big 3-0.  I’m not sure where I thought I’d be once I hit this milestone year, but I’m pleased with where I am at.  20 was definitely more the year of growth for me.  I was in that lovely, dramatic transition from teenager to pre-adult, let-go-of-that-boy-that-doesn’t-really-want-me-find-a-job-find-my-life-purpose ditty.  This year seems more of a, ‘now that I’m in a good place in life, and find myself an acceptable wife, a good mom, a generous friend, it’s time to nurture my internal passion’.  If I can get my book published in this year, that’d be awesome.  God’s birthday present for me?  Kind of like a “hey… I’m sorry about the wrinkles, so here’s a book deal”

… I’d be good with that.

So while all of you promise to stick to your diets – here is my chocolate chip cookie recipe!  Because if I can’t be adult enough to control myself in my old age, I might as well sabotage the rest of you.  Because that’s how mature I am.

Happy New Year to all!

Chocolate Chip CookiesScreen Shot 2017-01-01 at 3.32.34 PM.png

2 cups flour – sifted

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

1 1/2 sticks butter – softened

1 tbsp vanilla extract

1 egg

1 egg yolk

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate morsels

  1. Preheat oven to 350. Mix together the sifted flour, baking soda and salt, set aside.
  2. In a stand mixer or with a hand mixer, mix the sugar and butter until blended well.  Add in the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla extract.
  3. Once the above is all smooth, add in the dry ingredients and then the morsels.
  4. Using a cookie scoop, or a regular spoon, place a scoopful of dough a couple of inches apart on a cookie sheet.  I like to use a silpat on my cookie sheets as I feel they help keep the edges a little crispy and the center of the cookie a bit more doughy.  This recipe yields 2 dozen cookies).  Bake for 9-11 mins and you will have THE BEST chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever had.

I’m going to be playing with this recipe soon to do maybe a coconut, nut chocolate something?  But it’ll wait until enough time has passed that I feel like I have more control over my life than the cookies do.