The Mom Sweats

img_3343-3After being stuck indoors for 2 days straight due to rain, I decided this recipe to be a crockpot one so I could get the girls some fresh air aka mommy was going to crack if she had to watch Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas one more time.

We had a great time, ran around at the park, everyone ate lunch like they weren’t complete animals and went down for naps – I mean I was WINNING today…and then as I sat down to get some writing done when Daisy (our lovable beast) who I thought was on the mend, begins coughing so badly she gagged.  My first thought was “Oh my gosh!  Poor baby!  I need to call the vet.”  and my second “Damnit I’m going to have to take the kids to the vet.”

As you can imagine, it went fabulously.  The mom sweats were in full effect.  I think that’s why I wear workout clothes almost everyday, even when I have no intentions of exercising.  It makes it more acceptable to sweat all over the place.  And before you get all, “Ewwww she’s sweaty” it’s not like an “issue” – I don’t have hyperhidrosis, it’s more along the lines of being just uncomfortable enough to want to change clothes but comfortable enough not to because you don’t want the extra laundry.  Hey, I can’t help that I’m so attractive with my sweat, loose belly skin and Jupiter sized stretch marks.  Hide ya husbands.

Anyway… it absolutely took me longer to unload everyone while simultaneously trying to convince Cori that her shirt didn’t become too tight during the 15 min drive over and prying Diem’s bunny from her clutches without making her cry.  I tried to appear like I had a plan as Daisy dragged me in sideways while I steadied the stroller with one hand and made sure Cori actually walked inside as she stopped to talk about every blade of grass on the way up the sidewalk.  Daisy proceeded to go full asshole and refused to be weighed, or get on the exam table. That was cute.  I’m hoping nobody notices the beads of sweat sliding down my face, mocking me, as I cooly wipe them away and answer all the questions but silently say a Hail Mary – she’s a mom so she must get it – nobody starts crying.

I left that visit with a few pathetic scraps of dignity, minimal burns from the leash and a $150 bill… SCORE!  The real win was that I still managed to get in a run with the girls, another episode of Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, a dance party, a failed potty training attempt and roasted the side for dinner.  I mean, if that’s not impressive I really don’t know what else you want from me.

I did manage to get some notes down for my new book (not yet titled) which I need to get better about.  If I can sit down and work, I’m golden, but you know when you just get into bed and start remembering all the things you need to do the next day and know you should write them down, but you tell yourself “Oh no, I’ll remember that!”  but you know you won’t because you didn’t last time so you think “I’ll just repeat it in my head 17 times and THEN I’ll remember”.

Writing while staying home is a delicate balance between squeezing in a long list of things to do and still carving out time to do my own “work” which lately has been notes for not just my book, but now my blog… and actual notes, not half notes half what I’m yelling out loud at my kids.  Never thought I’d have to say, “Please stop trying to stick your fingers in the dog’s butt” more than once in my life.

But I powered through!  However, I did get to have a heated discussion about the color of grapes.  Cori wanted purple grapes, apparently these were more a shade of red which she did not appreciate.  I’m ignoring the fact that SHE picked out the damn grapes.  I told her she didn’t have to eat the grapes.  She then went to tell her dad about how I told her they were purple, but they’re not purple they’re red.”

Snitch.

She then moved on to asking for a buffet of other fruits we don’t have – I’m going grocery shopping in 20 minutes, I’m not starving her… technically.  So while you drool over the recipe below, I was out buying all the things at Target (forgetting my coupons in the car and paying full price for trash bags) only to return home to find that the child has suddenly lost her appetite for everything she just asked for.

Now eat some damn pork roast!

Pork Roastimg_3358

1.5-2 lbs Pork Roast

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp paprika

1 tsp rubbed sage

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 yellow onion, diced

1 cup low sodium chicken broth (or beer if ya nasty)

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1 tbsp honey

1/2 cup water

1 tbsp cornstarch

1/4 cup soy sauce

1 clove garlic, minced

  1. Mix together salt, pepper, paprika, garlic powder and sage and rub all over roast.
  2. Pour chicken broth  (or beer) in crockpot with diced onions and place roast in.  Low for 8 hours or high for 6.
  3. In the last hour, mix the balsamic vinegar, honey, soy sauce and garlic in a small saucepan.  In a separate bowl whisk the water and cornstarch until blended and then stir that into the saucepan.  Medium heat and stir until it thickens (takes a couple minutes)
  4. Use forks or tongs to break the roast apart and drizzle with a basting brush about a quarter cup of the mixture and let it cook another hour.
  5. When it’s done, take the roast out and place on a roasting pan or cookie sheet and pour the rest of the glaze and mix until the meat is fully coated.  Pop in the oven to broil for 3 minutes to get a nice little caramelization.